If only 

I read this article a few months back titled ‘How to be a genuine person’. And one of the points was to be vulnerable and openly accept criticism. I’ve always resisted showing vulnerability thinking it’ll make me look weak.

My brother and I share a very strong bond. When he was leaving for University, it was supposed to be an emotional moment for me. But I didn’t shed a single tear, even my Dad was crying, and that’s something. For some goddamn reason, I refused to let myself cry.

Even when my Grandfather had died a few years back, not once did I mourn him. I thought maybe at that point of time I was being strong for my mother. But now that I look back into the past, I realize that perhaps change just takes me time to digest. Drastic changes to be more specific. 

The fact that the sole person who understands me is not going to be around often, took way too long to sink in. Or the person who helped my mom become the great person that she is, no longer lives possibly shook me up to the extent of complete numbness. 

But if only I could just let go of the emotions caged in me for some Godforsaken reason, that’d be great.

~